Sunday, May 13, 2018

WARNING: Could cause serious damage with Simon Dewhurst of Broken Lunch: The Best of Times

Something a little different to share with you today, a humorous memoir from author Simon Dewhurst. We hope that you enjoy this post! 

WARNING: Could cause serious damage.

A few years ago I got fed up with telling people I was going to write a book when they asked me ‘Simon, what are you doing at the moment?’ The other half of my brain said ‘Well go on Simon, sit down and write it!’ Yet again I was resting – a perfect euphemism for being out of work – so I sat down and wrote it. Some of it came easily, but for the main it was hard work. There was a lot to tell. Disappointingly, judicious editing got rid of most of the erotic content which was hilariously unreadable and could have won prizes. All said, and at the risk of appearing big-headed, Broken Lunch comes with a warning. Laughing while drinking your Gevrey Chambertin could cause serious damage to your health. Swallow first – then laugh. Please let me imagine I have brightened your day.

34315350Broken Lunch: The Best of Times
by Simon Dewhurst
Paperback, 308 pages
Published September 29th 2016 by Createspace Independent Publishing Platform
ISBN 1539627373
An intimate and fast moving memoir, sometimes laugh-out-loud, recalling Simon Dewhurst's privileged and eccentric upbringing in an upper-class English family after the last war. He has no time for misery and self-flagellation. Instead, the narrative glides seamlessly and predictably from one hilarious disaster to the next. His exploits as a soldier, ski teacher, film extra, actor and a cinema projectionist among other jobs, take us from London during the Swinging Sixties to Scandinavia, North America and finally to darkest Africa. The ingredients for the best memoirs are many - his are blue, hilarious, and possibly worrying. This is a very funny memoir and Dewhurst writes easily with an incisive wit. He has no truck with political correctness. His style is light and airy with little moralizing about the meaning of life, but he is still capable of a good rant when writing about the state of the modern world.


A year after I had broken up with my first real girlfriend, Jude, she asked me if she could come and stay for a night. She had been invited by a very famous English cricketer to accompany him to a sporting awards dinner in the West End. It had been another sweltering summer’s day in London and the heat was still throbbing off the pavements and buildings. The flat in Lennox Gardens was on the top floor and with all the windows open, at least there was a soft breeze blowing through it. I was lying in a bath of tepid water, cooling off and listening to Jude as she got ready in my room down the corridor. There was a silence and then she glided into the bathroom wearing a long white cotton gauze dress with transparent white bra and panties underneath. This was the swinging sixties after all.
‘Well, what do you think of this?’ and she did a twirl. She’d already told me where she was going and who with; despite this, I thought for an instant about rekindling our relationship. After all, we were alone in the flat. I had to sit up in the bath quite sharpish.
‘Well’ I gurgled, ‘the dress looks really nice but your underwear looks a bit – untidy.’ She glided out and a few moments later glided back in without the bra.
‘Urm – still untidy. Try it without the knickers.’
This time she took them off in the bathroom. I tried not to gulp but she knew what she was doing and she also knew that I knew what she was doing. For a moment I thought that the dinner date was a set up and she looked like she was going to climb into the bath with me. But it was all a tease.
‘That looks really cool. That’s impressive. Go like that. You look amazing,’ all said with my face about a foot away from the see-through dress and the dark triangle of her pubic hair. She left, just like that, practically naked, and behind her the echo of her tinkling laugh and a whiff of Chanel No 5. She wasn’t even wearing shoes. I couldn’t believe she had taken my advice, but I think she only wanted reassurance. The cricketer was furious and tried to send her home, and there were photographs in one of the tabloids the next morning. His wife was very annoyed too.

Simon DewhurstAbout Simon Dewhurst
Simon Dewhurst has lead an interesting life and 'Broken Lunch' covers his first thirty years.

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