It's that time again! Time for readers that are 18 and over to get a bit naugh-tay!
Thank you to our fabulous ladies hosting the 18 & Over Hop, Laurie and Gabrielle! When I first received this book from the publisher I knew that it would be perfect for this event, so I immediately sent off an email to see about getting these authors over for the 18 & Over Giveaway Hop. So without further ado, please give a warm welcome to Deborah Macleod, author of 50 WAYS TO PLAY: BDSM for Nice People!
Not all research is created equal.
As a trained marriage and divorce mediator, I’m no stranger to research. I researched sociological studies and history during my undergraduate degree, case law and statutes during law school and then mediation theory and practice as I started my own couples’ practice, Marriage SOS. The research I’ve typically embarked on has been heavy on academics, light on amusement. Big yawn.
The good news is, being a couples’ mediator is just my day job. I’m also a relationship author-expert and the research I recently did for my latest intimacy guide, 50 Ways to Play: BDSM for Nice People, managed to keep me awake in ways that academic research could only dream of.
Much of the research I did for this book took place at a major adult trade show, the Taboo Naughty but Nice Show, where I have in the past hosted a “spice it up” couples’ seminar. This forum gave me a fantastically fun opportunity to learn about BDSM and Kink from “professional” dominants and submissives, as well as from many couples who are deep into the BDSM scene. These folks were all very keen to teach me about the tools of their trade – from restraint bars to mouth gags and everything in between – and to share their own advice, recommendations and experiences. I must admit, a few of these lovelies slid into the BDSM stereotype. They wore latex clothing, studded collars, boasted rope-burned wrists and seemed to have a rather unfriendly edge to them. Most of them, however, were nicer and more “normal” than the people you’d meet in an average line-up at the grocery store. Yes, they do look like everybody else.
But for my purpose of writing an introductory, mainstream book on BDSM-themed sexplay (as opposed to a hard-core treatise on the BDSM lifestyle), research into this field required more than knowing the nuts and bolts – so to speak – of BDSM gear, toys and devices. It also required a realistic idea of what kinds of BDSM-styled activities most mainstream, long-term, committed couples would be game to play.
To learn more about that, I consulted past clients who were into the lifestyle and asked them a series of questions about it. Some questions focused on activities: Do you practice bondage? How do you restrain each other? What types of sex toys do you use, and how? How do you communicate your desires, limits or concerns to each other? Other questions focused on the impact that BDSM sexplay had on the relationship itself: How does playing with the dominant-submissive power dynamic affect your relationship, inside and outside the bedroom? Has BDSM sexplay helped you learn more about each other? What would you tell other couples about BDSM sexplay? What are your limits, and why?
To be honest, it was this second research phase that I found the most revealing and helpful. It gave me a real and relevant sense of what aspects of BDSM might best serve long-term couples who are looking to both spice-up their sex life and improve their overall relationship. After all, the couple that plays together stays together. And while there is an abundance of research to prove that association, common sense should suffice.
Here is more about the book...
The publisher is giving away one copy of 50 Ways To Play: BDSM For Nice People to one reader! (US residents only please, no P.O. boxes.) To enter, just leave a comment on this post: If you were researching the BDSM scene, what are some questions that you would ask or what aspects of it would you like to learn more about? Then fill out the rafflecopter below. Additional entries are available but not required. Good luck!
a Rafflecopter giveaway
Make sure to hop along for more delicious prizes!