Thursday, September 13, 2012

18 & Over Giveaway Hop: 50 WAYS TO PLAY BDSM for Nice People by Debra and Don Macleod (US)

Hosted by Bitten by Paranormal Romance with co-host paranormal romance author Gabrielle Bisset 
 It's that time again! Time for readers that are 18 and over to get a bit naugh-tay!
Thank you to our fabulous ladies hosting the 18 & Over Hop, Laurie and Gabrielle! When I first received this book from the publisher I knew that it would be perfect for this event, so I immediately sent off an email to see about getting these authors over for the 18 & Over Giveaway Hop. So without further ado, please give a warm welcome to Deborah Macleod, author of 50 WAYS TO PLAY: BDSM for Nice People!

Not all research is created equal. 

As a trained marriage and divorce mediator, I’m no stranger to research. I researched sociological studies and history during my undergraduate degree, case law and statutes during law school and then mediation theory and practice as I started my own couples’ practice, Marriage SOS.  The research I’ve typically embarked on has been heavy on academics, light on amusement.  Big yawn.    
The good news is, being a couples’ mediator is just my day job.  I’m also a relationship author-expert and the research I recently did for my latest intimacy guide, 50 Ways to Play: BDSM for Nice People, managed to keep me awake in ways that academic research could only dream of.         

Much of the research I did for this book took place at a major adult trade show, the Taboo Naughty but Nice Show, where I have in the past hosted a “spice it up” couples’ seminar.  This forum gave me a fantastically fun opportunity to learn about BDSM and Kink from “professional” dominants and submissives, as well as from many couples who are deep into the BDSM scene.  These folks were all very keen to teach me about the tools of their trade – from restraint bars to mouth gags and everything in between – and to share their own advice, recommendations and experiences.  I must admit, a few of these lovelies slid into the BDSM stereotype.  They wore latex clothing, studded collars, boasted rope-burned wrists and seemed to have a rather unfriendly edge to them.  Most of them, however, were nicer and more “normal” than the people you’d meet in an average line-up at the grocery store. Yes, they do look like everybody else. 

But for my purpose of writing an introductory, mainstream book on BDSM-themed sexplay (as opposed to a hard-core treatise on the BDSM lifestyle), research into this field required more than knowing the nuts and bolts – so to speak – of BDSM gear, toys and devices.  It also required a realistic idea of what kinds of BDSM-styled activities most mainstream, long-term, committed couples would be game to play. 
To learn more about that, I consulted past clients who were into the lifestyle and asked them a series of questions about it.  Some questions focused on activities: Do you practice bondage?  How do you restrain each other?  What types of sex toys do you use, and how?  How do you communicate your desires, limits or concerns to each other?  Other questions focused on the impact that BDSM sexplay had on the relationship itself:  How does playing with the dominant-submissive power dynamic affect your relationship, inside and outside the bedroom?  Has BDSM sexplay helped you learn more about each other?  What would you tell other couples about BDSM sexplay?  What are your limits, and why?          

To be honest, it was this second research phase that I found the most revealing and helpful.  It gave me a real and relevant sense of what aspects of BDSM might best serve long-term couples who are looking to both spice-up their sex life and improve their overall relationship.  After all, the couple that plays together stays together.  And while there is an abundance of research to prove that association, common sense should suffice.

Here is more about the book...

50 Ways to Play: BDSM for Nice People
This simple and highly accessible non-fiction guide to BDSM (Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism) features 50 edgy and erotic adventures to sample and is the perfect companion for the millions of fans of the Fifty Shades trilogy (Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed), the Anne Rice/A.N. Roquelaure Sleeping Beauty trilogy (The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, Beauty's Punishment, Beauty's Release) and Sylvia Day's Crossfire novels (Bared to You and Reflected in You). This instruction book for couples contains one warning: you should try this at home!
From turning your ho hum bedroom into a “Red Room of Desire,” to exploring the fine art of Japanese rope bondage—and a few other ideas perhaps better not mentioned in polite company—50 Ways to Play invites couples who might otherwise think of themselves as “average” or “nice” to walk on the wild side. According to husband-and-wife writers Debra and Don Macleod, sex should pack a punch—it’s meant to catch you off guard. The fifty sexy and surprising “ways to play” offered up in this book are guaranteed to turn up the heat in your sex life.

The publisher is giving away one copy of 50 Ways To Play: BDSM For Nice People to one reader! (US residents only please, no P.O. boxes.) To enter, just leave a comment on this post: If you were researching the BDSM scene, what are some questions that you would ask or what aspects of it would you like to learn more about? Then fill out the rafflecopter below. Additional entries are available but not required. Good luck! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Make sure to hop along for more delicious prizes!


  1. I'm curious about those clamps. How are those pleasurable?!

  2. Interesting question.... How do you protect yourself from the weirdos? They are every where and in an highly sexual driven environment how do you keep yourself safe?

  3. My biggest question would be where and how do you find clubs.

    kesummer69 at gmail dot com

  4. If you are in a monogamous relationship and neither person is really very dom or sub but some place in between how do you tap into that to play? Carin
    mawmom at gmail dot com

  5. I am curious about clamps and my fiance is interested in piercing somewhere...


  6. Thanks for a great giveaway! I'd have to ask, how do you know where the line is between pleasuring with pain and just causing pain?

  7. HOw do you talk to your very vanilla partner about D/s and let them know that they are not lacking anything, but you want more?

  8. LOL @ Braine...smh. I would ask about the pain...idk does it necessarily have to be involved?

  9. I'd ask when the person took an interest and if they preferred to be in a relationship with the person they preformed with or not.

  10. I would want to know more about the "accessories". What's good for a first timer? What's the best thing? Best techniques for using them?
    Thanks for the awesome giveaway!

  11. How would you be able to get over any embrassment you might have asking your partner in doing some of these things
    if you don't thank they want to do them

  12. I would ask how to broach the subject with your partner & about all the "toys".


  13. I would ask how you go about finding someone who shares this type of lifestyle :)
    Thanks for the awesome giveaway!
    ehaney578 at aol dot com

  14. Clubs and partners. How do you going about finding safe and confidential places to experience the life style. sdylion(at)gmail(dot)com

  15. If I was doing research, I think that I would go to some clubs, etc. to get a feel of the whole scene before I let loose with questions. I'd want to know and see everything possible.

  16. I would ask what they do to help people cope with shyness or other issues they might have to do a "scene". Thx for giveaway.

    blinkysthebest at aol dot com

  17. Is bondage better with handcuffs or leather cuffs? Thanks for the giveaway!

  18. I would have to ask how do you start? Once you establish it is something you are interested in, how do you begin to engage in the lifestyle?

  19. I would be curious about tying certain knots that allow some flexibility. Also placement of other knots could be a sensual torture.

    nrlymrtl at gmail dot com


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