Isla Turner's Top Ten Reasons To Stay Away From Jessie "Freakin" Beckett
I like control.
And I think arrogant cheating men are the devil.
Its why I cofounded Dirty Exes PI, to pin down scoundrels with the tip of my stiletto heel.
My names Isla and I have a confession to make.
I think football players are sexy.
This poses a problem since enemy number one just happens to want to take down my entire company with his massive quarterback hands. Did I mention he has massive hands already? Stupid, who likes big hands anyways? Not this girl!
He wants to destroy me.
I want to end him.
I never lose.
Besides, I've come up with a fool proof plan, I'm a woman on a mission, a woman who likes order, and lists, so I've conjured up a list of ten reasons Jessie Beckett is the absolute worse (I may have been drinking wine, but it was the only way to power through).
10. His eyes crinkle when he smiles. I hate it. It's distracting and I think he does it on purpose just to appear friendly to the elderly. He's satan in sheeps clothing.
9. He has too many abs. I know it seems an unusual thing to be upset about, but theres just too much muscle? It's...disgusting. When he's shirtless I look away and I pray. You know, for his digestive system, theres only one way you get that much muscle, protein shakes, gross.
8. He helps orphaned children. I think it's a ploy for attention, theres no way it's genuine.
7. He's too competitive, which means you always have to have your A game.
6. His kisses are too, passionate (trust me I hate that I even know) it's like you're the sole focus of his entire world which would be fine if you weren't getting kissed on camera in front of hundreds of thousands of Patriots fans!
5. He's arrogant. So. Arrogant. The guy doesn't even need words, he just gives off this smug look and sea's of people part or just pass out completely.
4. His megawatt smile makes my face hurt. No botox in that forehead, it's all huge and ready for the next picture op.
3. He's secretive. Which makes him sketchy, he doesn't want people prying and he thinks I'm the biggest one of them all!
2. His pantry is pathetic, no color, nothing exciting, or fun, and his cereal is all, well dont get me started on his cereal. I actually took care of this point, but it still makes my eye twitch.
1. He had the best fake proposal I will probably hear. Ever. Which just makes him the ultimate bad guy, who does that to a girls heart? When she knows full well it's not real? He's a horrible, horrible human being and I can't wait for everyone to see what I'm talking about when they read Dangerous Exes!